besides, you can't
To blog about what’s currently going on with my life. For those of you who didn’t know, I’m currently three weeks into a internship in Nicaragua. I came here very excited because my past experiences in Nicaragua were life altering in some way, and I was looking forward to some good change. In all honesty, I’m struggling a lot. I find myself wishing I was home almost every free second I have. I feel my mental health absolutely deteriorating here. Everyday I hit a wall of completely exhaustion, and I usually have to sit out of an activity. The other night I had one of the worst anxiety episodes I’ve ever had, but this time I lost touch with reality which has never happened before and was terrifying. I miss Evan so much. And I’m struggling with things that if we were together, he’d help me with. I’m so used to being used and thrown away, the idea of someone actually loving me is foreign. I still don’t believe it. Sometimes I start to panic and I think “who is this person in my body right now” and I freak out. Yesterday while taking a shower, my post came out of my nose. Of course it’s clear because my ring would have been a sign of me being a part of a gang?!? So, clear post hasn’t been found and I’m pissed. My nose has already closed and I’m not looking forward to getting it pierced again because the healing process is stupid. But, my nose ring is one of my identifiers to my self, and I love it.
Everyone says each day will get easier, and some days they do. But most get more difficult. They are longer, I’m more tired, and I’m depressed. I want to go home but I can’t for three more weeks. I’m tired.
a true floridian picnic is publix subs in your car because it’s too hot to eat outside